Suffering from Emotional Bullying?

Suffering from Emotional Bullying?

I often hear people talking about how they have to live with emotional bullies, you know those energy vampires, the subtle destroyers of your confidence. Some think this type of relationship describes a second person imposing their will upon you.

Emotional blackmail, controlling your every thought is probably one of the most pervasive psychological conditions of our modern age. The problems and mental conditions resulting from such an invasion can lead to a myriad of negative, self-destructive situations and in many cases last a lifetime.

But what if I told you the emotional bully is NOT an external entity, it is not an individual outside of your control, in fact, the most destructive emotional bully lives within YOU.

It is the voice that undermines everything you say and do, it is the part of our minds which sows doubt, fear, and loathing for oneself on a daily basis. This emotional bully is the reason we find it difficult to move forward in life, it is the cause of broken relationships, the bringer of bad situations, the glue that holds us firmly in the grip of despair.

This bully acts like a magnet, pulling towards it other such bullies, like-minded individuals which eventually add to and confirm our own sense of low self-worth. This leads to self-destructive relationships, which in turn can have serious consequences on many other areas of our lives.

I wrote in my previous blog about being careful what you wish for and explained the reasoning behind it. I guess you could say this is a continuation of the same theme.

The fuel which drives such bullies, the food we give it creates a self-sustaining character that eventually rules our lives. From lack of confidence to destructive relationships, it needs negativity and paranoia to survive and thrive.

The birth of this splinter in our psyche stems from many situations, some may simply be the observation of people we care about trapped in a negative cycle themselves. We learn by observing, experience and repetition and while we talk about thing like “Muscle-Memory” we forget the more powerful aspects of “Mental-Memory.”

Take a look at the graphic example below and hopefully, you will being to understand why this destructive negative cycle is so good at surviving countless attempts at removing it.

It may seem obvious when we feed the beast inside it grows stronger, but as we all know that is not the big question.

The BIG question is; How do we starve it!

This emotional bully may seem difficult or even impossible to deal with at times but it can be tamed like any other animal.

This blog post cannot go into the details since each case has its own unique aspects but I can help you with a list of steps which may help some of you understand the process.

  1. Recognise the bully and accept it exists (in all of us). Even the religious amongst us know the power of being able to name the demon, once you do, once you know its name, you have power over it, it no longer has power over you.
  2. Accept this is a part of you which once served as a protector. Hard as it may be to understand, this bully was born to protect you, it is the part that wants to keep you safe. Over time it has been allowed to grow into an opposing force.
  3. TIME; Time is a relative term and the emotional bully (your subconscious) has no concept of the passing of time, this is IMPORTANT to understand because it lives in a timeless world which believes you are still a child in many respects.
  4. Advice: It may seem crazy to think you can give yourself advice but in reality ALL IS POSSIBLE. The question is of belief, not in external forces but inner voices. Many have completely silenced the “Good-Wolf” to the point of forgetting it actually exists.
  5. Projection; The ability to imagine yourself (the good wolf) standing one week, one month or even a year into the future, dress smartly, feeling great and confident and giving today’s you advice on how they got there. This is unquestionably the most powerful therapy/counselling/coaching you can get.

No one understands YOU better than YOU.

People like myself guide you towards the inner strength you were born with and have almost forgotten you have. It not that it is a weakness, it not even the idea you do not have any of this strength, it is, in many cases the idea of only having one voice (bad wolf) and allowing the emotional bully to fool us into believing it is the only voice we have.

If you want to silence that bully, if you wish to hear the voice of the good wolf again, then, by all means, drop me an email or call for a session which will put you on the path of the good wolf.

Until next time…

Email: robert@hengecounselling.com

Tel: 01672 562939

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